Quote:
Originally Posted by D_o_S
Yup, I'm 30 and introverted >_< Spent most of my time studying or working, no time for much else... Have had 4 "serious" relationships, which ended due to irreconcilable differences, i.e. I was not willing to put up with her viewpoints/she wasn't willing to put up with mine... Looking back, every ending was for the better from my perspective, I would not want to be with any of the women I dated in all honesty (some of them have relationships in which they haven't changed = the things they did not want to change were why we separated)
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OK, that's helpful. I probably should have also asked what sort of relationship you are looking for. Given you're introverted (I am too so I get it), 30, and have had multiple serious relationships I'm guessing you're looking to find "the one" and get comfortable, settling into a good thing. You don't strike me as the "I just want to bang as many chicks as I can find" type.
So here you are on relationship #5 and already the same pattern is emerging: Conflict over change. She wants to change your approach to working out to change your body type to one she's looking for. You are here asking us about whether you should be pushing back trying to change her attempts to change you. You're an introvert and you've got a fish on the line who does, at times, make you happy so you are weighing the costs of staying quiet and putting up with her vs. the other bad option of starting over. Am I close? This is generally what's referred to as "settling" but I'm betting you know that already. This is the start of every miserable relationship. You know the broken dudes you see at Costco walking head down towards their minivan with their fat ass wife screaming at them in the parking lot about how stupid they are? Yeah, this is how those relationships start.
Here's my suggestion: Ultimately I dont see this one working long term, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe she's just immature and you can re-work her bad habits. If nothing else it's worth a shot. Try a new tactic and be honest with her. Sit her down and say "Look, this whole working out thing is really bothering me. You keep making comments that come across as criticizing my body type and I'm feeling pressured to try to bulk up and be a body type for you that just doesnt work for me. I'm not sure if that's your intent but that's how its coming across." See what her reaction is:
She gets angry = RUN
She blames you for anything = RUN
She defects and finds some other fault in you = RUN
She denies it and says the fault is with you for misunderstanding = RUN
She claims to be pushing you to make you better = RUN
She says "Wow, thanks for your honesty, I didnt realize I was coming across like that. That was shitty of me. I'm sorry." = OK, maybe there's some hope
Ultimately she's pressuring you to change in a way that you arent comfortable with for purely cosmetic and self-serving reasons. Guys do this to women constantly and it's shitty no matter how you spin it. So again, I dont see this one being a keeper but use it as an opportunity to improve your communication skills.
Keep us posted.