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      10-21-2008, 01:48 PM   #10
Blake
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Drives: Chevy Aveo
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Parent's Basement

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this reminds me of something i found on dallas craigslist a few months ago. i laughed so hard i saved it....

I'm absolutely fed up with you people. Well at least 90% of you. Yes, you, the person in the left lane going 5MPH under the limit while the people behind you are getting extremely irate. You, the one that doesn't ever use your turn signal for anything except your state inspection. You, the one with the cell phone plastered to your ear not paying attention to anything that you're doing. You, the teenage driver that thinks that you own the road. You, the old lady that can't even see over the steering wheel. And lastly, you, the Dallas taxicab driver. If you are any of these, you suck.

Here are some tips for the aforementioned people above...
1. If you drive the speed limit or less everywhere you go and wouldn't dare think of breaking the law, stay the hell out of the left lane. It wasn't designed for you. Have you ever noticed those signs on the side of the highway that say "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY" in real big letters? Well next time you're out for a leisurely drive, look for it. Its on every multi-lane highway in the US.
2. If you see people passing you on the right while they are grinding their teeth, you should automatically know that you are in the wrong place. GET OVER! Its not cool to impede the flow of traffic and you're not being Dudley Doright by doing so. You're only making it a lot more dangerous for everyone else trying to get places.
3. Since were still on the left lane, if you drive a taxi, stay out of the left lane completely. You taxi drivers are well known in many circles as being the worst drivers in Dallas beating out soccer moms and old people by a significant margin. I'll also throw drivers of underpowered cars (Kia, Hyundai, Suzuki, Prius, etc.) in the same category. Some people are trying to get places and your hamster-powered car in the left lane isn't helping.
4. If you are on a 2-lane road and you have a convoy of cars behind you and nothing but open road in front of you, they make the median wide enough so you can get over and let people by safely. Plenty of people do it every day without death or property damage, I'm sure you'll be just fine.
5. Teenagers: no matter what you think or your friends tell you, you suck at driving. Your parents are idiots for buying you a fast car or an SUV. You have very poor situational awareness with your lack of driving experience, not to mention deficient maturity. You will probably never be a Michael Schumacher and 16 years old is not the time to start trying to be.
6. Cell phones. The scourge of American roadways. Why every state hasn't adopted the no cell phones while driving law just blows my mind away. When you're yacking away on the phone, you are not paying attention to the road. When you're writing an email on your BlackBerry while driving in 2 lanes, you should automatically know that you're being an idiot. But you don't. Hang up and drive or get one of those obnoxious bluetooth headsets. At least then you'll have your head up and paying more attention, hopefully.
7. Your turn signal is not decoration. It is meant to be used every time you change lanes or plan to execute a turn. This will save the rest of those people you share the road with unnecessary trips to the brake shop or body shop.
8. If you think you might be too old to drive, you probably are. I know that you're probably not reading this because you've never turned a computer on, but if you have parents or grandparents that you know pose a danger to people on the road because of their degenerative motor skills, perhaps its time to take the keys away. If your elders drive a Towncar, Grand Marquis, or a Crown Victoria, its probably that time. Ancient drivers aren't just annoying, their EXTREMELY dangerous. We've all been cut off by one a few too many times.
9. GET INSURANCE. If you can't afford it, you don't need to be driving. Period, end of story.
10. I really don't understand why there isn't a minimum IQ-based test before the issuance of a driver's license. Some of you are really just too stupid to drive and that translates into your driving ability.

If you are unsure if any of this is you, just count how many times you get honked at or brights flashed at you in a week. I think that's a fair barometer. If you don't get honked at all, you probably pass the test. If you have been honked at in the past week, even once, you fail the test. Take the free advice I'm giving you above and save the rest of us a trip to the shrink.

On another note, I'm actually glad gas prices are so high right now, because its helping to thin the herd out a little. I don't really enjoy paying an arm and a leg to fill up my tank either, but I do enjoy other people driving less. That means there is less of a chance I will run into you, Mr. or Miss bad Dallas driver. Enjoy the rest of your day, and please, stay out of my way.

Sincerely,
Fed up Dallas motorist
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