[vreihen16]

It might be worth a few visits with a professional relationship counselor.

Disclaimer - I've been happily married for 16 years without one argument, so I have zero experience in this area.....

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

It might be worth a few visits with a professional relationship counselor.

Disclaimer - I've been happily married for 16 years without one argument, so I have zero experience in this area.....

I've thought about that too, but then again, I'm not sure I'd want to spend the money on counseling with a girlfriend only later to realize it didn't work out. We'll start with the talk on Saturday and see how the expectations fall. I honestly think that she has a better understanding and appreciation of who I am as a person (as scary as that is) and the same on my end. Healthy boundaries and being respectful of each others personal responsibilities is the key here.

......and wow. I'm beyond impressed with the length of relationship to argument ratio. Truly a rarity. My hats off to both of you.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Gentlemen, I had a talk with the ex-girlfriend last night. You're all fired. No empire for now.

We are going to have a sit down discussion Saturday. Now that tensions have died down, we are going to talk and decide what the best thing to do is. I asked her to come up with a list of things that she wants/expects from a relationship and I will do the same. We'll start with non-negotiable standards so that neither of us feel neglected or over-extended but yet still have our time to get done what we need in each of our personal lives. I also explained that if we come to the resolution that between her life/schedule/kids and my responsibilities, that if we can't make it work to where we can't get what we need from each other, then we need to go our separate ways. At this point, I'm good with either of the options, as long as the decision that gets made is based off genuine appreciation of the other persons life and their ability to give the other what they need to feel secure in the relationship. I'd rather walk away knowing that we just couldn't make it work for what need rather tossing 4 years away over a bad argument.

Curious as to your thoughts on this approach. Go....

Well, I for one like this, and I'm pretty big on self reflection and communication as you know. For myself I set what I referred to as pillars for myself. Things that were non-negotiable as you say above. Things that I wouldn't compromise on, and my wife had to feel the same way, otherwise, we weren't going to work. And I did find a woman that held the same pillars, or at least agreed with them. From there, all the other stuff is much smaller, and there will be disagreements, but at the core, you agree with one another, so you can work through it.

As an example, I used to really enjoy gambling. My wife (at that time g/f), hated it and hated that I did it. And as an ultimatum, said I had to be prepared to give it up for her and we did break up for a month to think through things. I thought about it and realized that while I really enjoyed it, it wasn't a pillar or anything like that, and agreed to do so. On her end, once in a blue moon I might get to visit a casino with a set amount, say once every couple years or something, and she's ok with it. And honestly, I don't even really care anymore. She doesn't mind me having a poker night every couple months with some guys and for me, I enjoy that more than going to a casino anyways.

I don't know if you guys drink, but I wouldn't have anything to drink while having this discussion. This stuff is serious, you don't need anything potentially removing inhibitions, you need a clear head and be able to examine this analytically. That might sound cold, but the feelings are already there...you need to focus on what you both are hearing and how you feel about that. You already know you care for each other.

So I think this is a good idea overall. I think it will give closure either way. But communication is so important, so good on you both for taking this step.

Originally Posted by vreihen16

It might be worth a few visits with a professional relationship counselor.

Disclaimer - I've been happily married for 16 years without one argument, so I have zero experience in this area.....

Do....you and your wife live in the same house? Same bedroom?

I'm gobsmacked at how this is possible otherwise. Seriously. I mean that's great, but I'm just amazed.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Well, I for one like this, and I'm pretty big on self reflection and communication as you know. For myself I set what I referred to as pillars for myself. Things that were non-negotiable as you say above. Things that I wouldn't compromise on, and my wife had to feel the same way, otherwise, we weren't going to work. And I did find a woman that held the same pillars, or at least agreed with them. From there, all the other stuff is much smaller, and there will be disagreements, but at the core, you agree with one another, so you can work through it.

As an example, I used to really enjoy gambling. My wife (at that time g/f), hated it and hated that I did it. And as an ultimatum, said I had to be prepared to give it up for her and we did break up for a month to think through things. I thought about it and realized that while I really enjoyed it, it wasn't a pillar or anything like that, and agreed to do so. On her end, once in a blue moon I might get to visit a casino with a set amount, say once every couple years or something, and she's ok with it. And honestly, I don't even really care anymore. She doesn't mind me having a poker night every couple months with some guys and for me, I enjoy that more than going to a casino anyways.

I don't know if you guys drink, but I wouldn't have anything to drink while having this discussion. This stuff is serious, you don't need anything potentially removing inhibitions, you need a clear head and be able to examine this analytically. That might sound cold, but the feelings are already there...you need to focus on what you both are hearing and how you feel about that. You already know you care for each other.

So I think this is a good idea overall. I think it will give closure either way. But communication is so important, so good on you both for taking this step.



Do....you and your wife live in the same house? Same bedroom?

I'm gobsmacked at how this is possible otherwise. Seriously. I mean that's great, but I'm just amazed.

Thank you Joe. I care too much for this girl to throw it away without careful evaluation. In a way, I somewhat feel a bit odd about the entire thing; as I'm sure she's never had business meeting to discuss parameters of a relationship. I could go full on and do a Power Point presentation with graphs of case-studies, timelines, ROI's and fun to effort ratios. I'm just glad that she only lives a few minutes away so that a Teams meeting isn't required.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Thank you Joe. I care too much for this girl to throw it away without careful evaluation. In a way, I somewhat feel a bit odd about the entire thing; as I'm sure she's never had business meeting to discuss parameters of a relationship. I could go full on and do a Power Point presentation with graphs of case-studies, timelines, ROI's and fun to effort ratios. I'm just glad that she only lives a few minutes away so that a Teams meeting isn't required.

Dude, fuck Microsoft Teams. If I was in this situation with you and received an invite for a Teams meeting I'd block your number.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Dude, fuck Microsoft Teams. If I was in this situation with you and received an invite for a Teams meeting I'd block your number.

Good to know.

[UncleWede]

Queue the Meatloaf again. Lol

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Dude, fuck Microsoft Teams. If I was in this situation with you and received an invite for a Teams meeting I'd block your number.

So the key takeaway here is that it isn't a sexually intimate relationship with Jody that you'd find repulsive, it would be his use of Microsoft Teams...did I understand that correctly?

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Queue the Meatloaf again. Lol

It's always on standby sir.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

So the key takeaway here is that it isn't a sexually intimate relationship with Jody that you'd find repulsive, it would be his use of Microsoft Teams...did I understand that correctly?

I didn't read between the lines this time. Aw shucks, CT...

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Gentlemen, I had a talk with the ex-girlfriend last night. You're all fired. No empire for now.

We are going to have a sit down discussion Saturday. Now that tensions have died down, we are going to talk and decide what the best thing to do is. I asked her to come up with a list of things that she wants/expects from a relationship and I will do the same. We'll start with non-negotiable standards so that neither of us feel neglected or over-extended but yet still have our time to get done what we need in each of our personal lives. I also explained that if we come to the resolution that between her life/schedule/kids and my responsibilities, that if we can't make it work to where we can't get what we need from each other, then we need to go our separate ways. At this point, I'm good with either of the options, as long as the decision that gets made is based off genuine appreciation of the other persons life and their ability to give the other what they need to feel secure in the relationship. I'd rather walk away knowing that we just couldn't make it work for what need rather tossing 4 years away over a bad argument.

Curious as to your thoughts on this approach. Go....

having a sit down is always good to clear the air, do's and don't when it comes to arguement. in the moment of anger we can say hurtful things that we dont mean. we dont forget those moments. if love is mutual, you guys can work it out. if one of you has had a change of heart or slighty drifted away then it wont work. one person will be doing all the work to stay together. This the right time to lay all the cards out, listen to each other.
A relationship is about love, respect and commitment.
good luck i wish you guys can work it out.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

So the key takeaway here is that it isn't a sexually intimate relationship with Jody that you'd find repulsive, it would be his use of Microsoft Teams...did I understand that correctly?

I mean considering my dealings with Teams lately... maybe.


Joking aside, a Zoom or Teams with you guys while I'm at work would be pretty badass.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Do....you and your wife live in the same house? Same bedroom?

I'm gobsmacked at how this is possible otherwise. Seriously. I mean that's great, but I'm just amazed.

Yes, and yes. Our house is a small 2 bedroom, and seven months of COVID-geddon lockdown hasn't changed anything. Separate bank accounts, and more importantly separate toolboxes. My pay checks cover whatever vehicle(s) that I want, 100% of our housing, utilities, insurance, etc. Her checks cover groceries and payments/maintenance on any vehicle(s) that she wants. We are co-owners of each other's bank accounts, but only for emergencies like when I was in the hospital for an extended stay a few years back.

I am of the herding cats management philosophy in every thing that I do. Give them the freedom to choose their own paths, and gently give them a nudge away from danger if I am concerned that they might fall off the proverbial cliff. Explain why you are concerned, but always let them make their own decisions.

When I brought her out to meet my racing buddies when we first met, she was crawling under my car in the paddock to pry a pebble out of a brake rotor. The guy who wound up being the best man at our wedding pulled me aside, to ask if she had a sister? She was a professional mechanic, and I am grateful every single day to have married the ultimate unicorn.....

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I mean considering my dealings with Teams lately... maybe.


Joking aside, a Zoom or Teams with you guys while I'm at work would be pretty badass.

We should have a boys night through Zoom. Discord video chat comes to mind.

Originally Posted by vreihen16

Yes, and yes. Our house is a small 2 bedroom, and seven months of COVID-geddon lockdown hasn't changed anything. Separate bank accounts, and more importantly separate toolboxes. My pay checks cover whatever vehicle(s) that I want, 100% of our housing, utilities, insurance, etc. Her checks cover groceries and payments/maintenance on any vehicle(s) that she wants. We are co-owners of each other's bank accounts, but only for emergencies like when I was in the hospital for an extended stay a few years back.

I am of the herding cats management philosophy in every thing that I do. Give them the freedom to choose their own paths, and gently give them a nudge away from danger if I am concerned that they might fall off the proverbial cliff. Explain why you are concerned, but always let them make their own decisions.

When I brought her out to meet my racing buddies when we first met, she was crawling under my car in the paddock to pry a pebble out of a brake rotor. The guy who wound up being the best man at our wedding pulled me aside, to ask if she had a sister? She was a professional mechanic, and I am grateful every single day to have married the ultimate unicorn.....

That's how you herd cats?
That's how my parents raised me...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

We should have a boys night through Zoom. Discord video chat comes to mind.

I'd be down.

[rebekahb]

@King Rudi haven't been on in a few days and didn't want to leave you hanging. Never do I ever want a guy to send me a dick pic. I wouldn't ask either. You can have the best looking dick in the world but if you don't know how to use it, I don't care how good it looks. Just my 2 cents!

[upstatedoc]

what's going on here?

[DocL]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

what's going on here?

I'm wondering the same thing? Sounds like a Dr. Ruth session.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by DocL

I'm wondering the same thing? Sounds like a Dr. Ruth session.

Does anyone know what Dr. Ruth's favorite word in the English language is?????

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

Does anyone know what Dr. Ruth's favorite word in the English language is?????

My most embarrassing moment as a new freshman in college involved Dr. Ruth. I have the new gf at the house for a family evening...she was from Nashville. Dinner finished and I'm sitting with her on the couch and my parents and younger brother are still hanging out. We flip over to MTV to listen to music (go figure) and Dr. Ruth is on and says, "Ladies, when is the last time you told your husband or bf what a great penis he has." I'm trying to press the remote and change the channel but it took a second to register. Dead silence in the room. It lasted about 32 years.

To this day I don't know what the follow-up question/suggestion was but it began, "Once you do that...", and mercifully the channel changed.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

If a prenup puts an immediate end to the relationship, that just demonstrates the need for a prenup.

And I hate to disappoint you, but there is NO WAY to be 100% triple sure. People suck.

with the current divorce rate, I'd be surprised if people go into marriage without a prenup.

If you're with me, what's mines is yours. But if you're not with me, the story changes and I shouldn't be entitled to give you shit.

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

It might be worth a few visits with a professional relationship counselor.

Disclaimer - I've been happily married for 16 years without one argument, so I have zero experience in this area.....

16 years no arguments? What the FUCK?

I would ask if y'all even live together, but shit even if you don't.... people do still argue. I'm amazed.

[FastF30]

I have a couple of young millennial friends... all I got to say is glad I'm married and will do just about anything possible to stay married cause I'm way to scared of being single in today's environment...