[nazali]

Kinda interesting topic came up and was wondering what the collective thought

Scenario

*Birthday party*, people are invited to a restaurant. What should happen?
below are some options, feel free to add more


Organizer/inviter choices
1> Don't worry about the bill, we'll just wing it, when the bring the check around
2> Assume people will pay only there part of the bill
3> The birthday "person" pays the bill period
4> Organizer sends an email to the invited saying that
a> Regardless of what is ordered the bill and tip will be divided equally among all
b> Regardless of what is ordered the bill and tip will be divided equally among all, except the drinks bill, the organizer will pay for the drinks

Have at it !

[nazali]

(IRL) whenI immigrated, we had a leaving party for me, familly mainly mine and OH's

I didn't even think about the bill, the bill came round and it was passed around, I paid something, gustimated my part, one couple (on OH's side) never came with any money, and my sister and BIL, only put in a %, and they ordered the most expensive items

There was a reall shi% show about it, my OH from Canada, had spoken to my folks making sure, I was not to pay anything, my OH would send money to them, if they could take care of the bill.

Apparently this got lost in translation and never happened

[B58-M340iX]

I was hoping this was going to be about dating so we can get rid of the 'gender role-based' rules in light of all this 'equality'...carry on

[the_abe]

Option 3b: Organizer will pay bill +20% tip and then txt everyone what they owe (so they can venmo)

[G35POPPEDMYCHERRY]

at this point people are fucking disgraceful and run up the tab when they know its being split. then if you call them out you will be mocked for "being cheap" or what have. if you ask for seperate checks then the waiter has a problem, everyone always has a problem. tbh waiters should be elimnated for kiosks but america doesnt like that.

a real solution and only solution to this is just pay for everyone up front, sick world, but it is what it is

[xander_g]

Bill is split, covering the bday person's meal.

OR

if it's a small group, credit card lottery - everyone throws their cards into a bowl and the server pulls one.

Really depends on the amount of people, who the people are, etc. Traditionally the person who's birthday it is, doesn't pay.

[TheMidnightNarwhal]

I would never imagine paying for everyone that would be insane unless I'm rich and wealthy enough to do that, and even then that shouldn't be the expectation but more of a gift. And I would also never expect to split the cheque with everyone at the table. Imagine I order for 70$ and someone only orders 30$, makes no sense to me. We always split the bills individually. I've had no issues with servers doing this, USA always amazes me with their weird restaurant processes reading how it's a problem to split bills down there, or like just how the tip works and you have to write it on the bill is so weird.

That said, in a birthday party setting, I like to offer to pay for the one who has the birthday. In most cases the one who has the birthday is the organiser as well in our group. Sometimes people jump in with me and we split their bill sometimes not (still young so not everyone has a lot of money), no big deal.

I guess my point is there should never be an expectation to not pay for your own things when you are invited somewhere unless clearly told to you.

[Maynard]

Originally Posted by nazali

Kinda interesting topic came up and was wondering what the collective thought

Scenario

*Birthday party*, people are invited to a restaurant. What should happen?
below are some options, feel free to add more


Organizer/inviter choices
1> Don't worry about the bill, we'll just wing it, when the bring the check around
2> Assume people will pay only there part of the bill
3> The birthday "person" pays the bill period
4> Organizer sends an email to the invited saying that
a> Regardless of what is ordered the bill and tip will be divided equally among all
b> Regardless of what is ordered the bill and tip will be divided equally among all, except the drinks bill, the organizer will pay for the drinks

Have at it !

#1 isn't an answer, it is just delaying the initial question and guaranteeing some degree of tension.

These 2 are a guaranteed problem, better to skip it than face the flak they will provoke (yes, I've been burned by both):
> Assume people will pay only their part of the bill
> or anything where "bill will be divided equally among all"

I think organizer should decide and, unless they are paying it all, inform the guests before they sit to order - either everybody splits an equal part of b'day person's bill, everybody on separate checks, or be classy about it and just cover the bill and tip. If restaurant won't give separate checks, then prearrange for a 'math party' to get it done accurately.

[cmyx6go]

It depends on the situation. If I am organizing and say I’m having a birthday party for me, or someone else, I’m footing the bill. Party is key word here. If it’s “Let’s go out for John’s birthday”, the bill should be split.

That being said, you need to know the crowd. I have no problem paying for what I order, or splitting equally. But I’m not an asshole. If I want a bottle of wine when I’m with a group who will be splitting the bill, I ask the waiter to put the wine on a separate check. You may have people that can’t afford to split equally because of what people order. It should be said upfront how the bill will be handled so no surprises and can decide whether or not to attend if they aren’t comfortable with arrangements.

If I know the bill will be split evenly, I won’t order the lobster dish I normally do at said restaurant. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same mindset.

EDIT - adding when I say split, the attendees should cover the meal of the person being celebrated.

[dreamingat30fps]

I can only speak from personal experience for FAMILY birthdays. Not sure about friends or acquaintances... I'm a hermit.

Our family goes out to eat for peoples birthdays all the time. Most of the time everyone except the bday person splits the bill. Honestly in our case it's more of a fight about WANTING to pay the bill vs not wanting to pay. There will usually be one person who wants to pay the whole thing and the rest of us have to fight them to take our money also.

[Littierally]

Always a good time to play credit card roulette, as long as the group is close knit.

Everyone gives the server a card, they then blindly pick and run only one of them for the entire bill.

Can be a fun gamble

[Tobster3]

Other.

In my situation and I’ve invited some people for wife’s birthday and picked the restaurant, I pay for the meal and tip. Invited guests pick up their drinks tab, other than the wife lol. This way, I can pick a restaurant within my budget based on the number of guests.

[nazali]

nice responses.

I like all of the responses....

I remember one b'day party for my ex, small party of 6 or 7 at a local Indian,
Before hand I printed out a menu with a choice of 1 app, 1 main, 1 dessert
I had plenty of options.

With the RSVP, they replied back saying what they wanted, I then gave the restaurant the order and paid for the bill in advance inc. tip

If I remember right, as no drunks, I just paid the drinks bill, came to 1 or 2 drinks each.

-----------------------------

At a local car club I used to run in the UK, (we were really close knit crowd) when we ordered dinner, every now and again, I'd get the drinks for the members, or I'd do a competition, first person to arrive, I'd buy there meal

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Yes also agreed with figting for the bill, my SIL birthday, a group of us went out, but I told the waiter queitly I'd be paying the bill (I thought I'd get some kudos), the daughter got really upset as she was going to pay, so got kinda mad at me, was about 300 bucks or so, got some stick, who says a good deed goes unpunished

-----------

Here at some team things, I had a birthday, we all went out and the guys paid for my drinks and meal, it was nice !

[Donatello.]

If you are the party starter then you pay unless you specify in the invite...

[nazali]

When you say pay for everything up front how do you mean ?

I also guess, if your invited to a b/day party, you wouldnt expect to pay for stuff except a gift? Like you go to a wedding, your fed, watered and you dance for free, except you have a gift ?

Maybe the feel in a restaurant is different.

Originally Posted by G35POPPEDMYCHERRY

a real solution and only solution to this is just pay for everyone up front, sick world, but it is what it is

[nazali]

On research I cam across this doozy of a YT video

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by nazali

When you say pay for everything up front how do you mean ?

I also guess, if your invited to a b/day party, you wouldnt expect to pay for stuff except a gift? Like you go to a wedding, your fed, watered and you dance for free, except you have a gift ?

Maybe the feel in a restaurant is different.

I think a "party" is different from like a bday dinner. We also have family bday "parties" where the party thrower has it catered etc and in that situation no one pays anything except bringing a gift.

One time we were also invited to a bday dinner for another family member and it was at a restaurant but the person arranging the party was friends with the owner of the restaurant and the bday was for his mother so it was all paid for (even though we were ready and willing to pay). It was also a preset menu where they just brought stuff out family style, everyone didn't really get to order individually except drinks.

Honestly I've just never had an issue with figuring out who pays for what. Maybe because it's mostly just family and we don't tend to go out with jerks so... just never been an issue or something I've ever given much thought to.

[Pauly Wauly]

When I invite family or friends out for whatever occasion (Dinner, Birthday, etc.) I pay for the whole thing. Same thing when I get invited by family or friends.
Unless they say you have to pay for your drinks or food, I know that they are paying for the whole thing.

[ash_schwin]

Depends on the crowd or people I am hanging out with....there are some that we actually fight to pay the bill since that has historically been our friendships where we are genuinely happy to treat everyone. On the other hand, there are those that try to take advantage in a larger crowd and never offer to pay up or think that their presence along qualifies for free food and drinks. At that point, I make sure we all split the bill equally.

[spazzyfry123]

If I’m hosting, it’s mine.

If it’s for work, it’s a finger point because no one wants to do the expense report, but it’s always done on a single check.

If it’s friends just getting together, it’s a fight on who pays to get the credit card points, and then the others will Venmo their portion or percentage.

If it’s a gathering of close friends, then someone just pays for the whole thing. It all equals out in the end, because someone else is going to grab the whole tab next time.

[tranquility]

Uncertainty brings about confusion...how disorganized can ppl get?

Going by little facts, I would assume whoever arranged the party pays, but really depends on the location/what was said exactly.

When I had my little wedding dinner reception, ofc we paid for everything, and to this day it irks me that a friend of mine had the shameless question to ask "hey, do I need to bring something?" I said "no" out of etiquette/decorum, but would it have killed him to show a token of appreciation for a 13-or-whatever course dinner? Some ppl are just cheapXs.

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

It depends on the situation. If I am organizing and say I’m having a birthday party for me, or someone else, I’m footing the bill. Party is key word here. If it’s “Let’s go out for John’s birthday”, the bill should be split.

That being said, you need to know the crowd. I have no problem paying for what I order, or splitting equally. But I’m not an asshole. If I want a bottle of wine when I’m with a group who will be splitting the bill, I ask the waiter to put the wine on a separate check. You may have people that can’t afford to split equally because of what people order. It should be said upfront how the bill will be handled so no surprises and can decide whether or not to attend if they aren’t comfortable with arrangements.

If I know the bill will be split evenly, I won’t order the lobster dish I normally do at said restaurant. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same mindset.

EDIT - adding when I say split, the attendees should cover the meal of the person being celebrated.

Exactly this. If I invite someone to a party, birthday or otherwise, there is planning involved and I pick up the cost, whether in a restaurant or home. Getting together with friends for someone’s birthday means splitting the check among everyone except the birthday person and anyone one else in the group not expected to pay (e.g., elderly parents / grandparents).

Then again, my view is birthdays should be celebrated until the age of 10, then again starting at age 80 so maybe I’m not the right person to ask.