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      04-09-2020, 02:29 PM   #23
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Hahahahaha, I would like to see how this goes as well. This is one reason my husband and I have separate accounts. He has no clue what I spend but when it comes to big purchases we talk about those. Sometimes😏

I will say that yesterday I was going to spend about $200 on more work out shorts, tank tops & sports bras. Today, I'm like do I really need that?? I use Instagram to shop at a lot of our local boutiques & you should see the amount of people still buying things like crazy. I'm like is anyone worried about what the next month holds? I'm not panicking but being more aware in areas that I wouldn't have thought twice about prior to this.

Come to think of it, I had the X5 fully detailed & waxed this week but that's not frivolous, right
Same here. The first wife and I had a joint account. Basically that meant, I made all the money, she took the money and bought whatever she wanted; then when it came time to pay bills, I had nothing left. She always had nice stuff while I made sure the bills got paid. The second marriage, we had separate accounts at different banks. He had a ton of issues in our marriage but none of them were finance related.

I'm sure your husband appreciates your frugality on spending but at the same time, workout attire, sports bras and whatnot....you'll never hear him complain. Also kudos to you for continuing to take care of yourself after getting married. I know far too many women who give up after saying "I do."

I tend to have the same mindset with finances and the current status of things. I will say that I did drop $200 on earbuds today, but my justification is a.) it isn't going to put in a bad place financially and b.) I workout 5-6 days a week and the current earbuds get used often but were just cheapies that I bought well over a year ago.

From a guy who used to detail cars on the side, detail work is never frivolous spending.
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      04-09-2020, 03:01 PM   #24
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I'm lucky in that my wife and I have similiar spending habits. She had lived on her own before we met, and independent without debt aside from her house.

That was a big positive sign for me.
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      04-09-2020, 03:17 PM   #25
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I think my frugality frustrates him at times lol. It took me 11 months to decide on a vehicle to buy because the one thing I loved I didn't want to pay the price for.


I'm very independent and have always been. I worked hard for my education and wasn't going to give that up because I got married. On the flip side, we really enjoy traveling & last year we had a heavy travel year. Not saying we couldn't do it on one salary but we would have to make some lifestyle adjustments.

Sounds like the AirPods were a solidly buy and you will get use out of them. I use mine a ton for bike rides & if I have to talk a lot when I get home.

We've had a horrid pollen spell so I would wash my car to get the bugs and what not off. The pollen finally died down enough to where I could get a good detail. The guy did a great job & was definitely money well spent.
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      04-09-2020, 03:27 PM   #26
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No I am tired of this shit, it has to end.

We make excellent money but spend like drunken sailors, and a lot of it is absolute waste. We have never considered seperate accounts.

I get called all sorts of names in regards to being cheap but we have not saved a penny in 10 years, so if I am cheap and holding things back, where would we be without me?

Tired of it. Has to end.
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      04-09-2020, 03:55 PM   #27
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No I am tired of this shit, it has to end.

We make excellent money but spend like drunken sailors, and a lot of it is absolute waste. We have never considered seperate accounts.

I get called all sorts of names in regards to being cheap but we have not saved a penny in 10 years, so if I am cheap and holding things back, where would we be without me?

Tired of it. Has to end.
I hope it gets better for you man. That's a hard situation to be in. I told my wife I knew we would argue, but the one thing I wouldn't fight over was money as those are the worst.

I grew up in it.

And we've never had that fight.

But I hope you guys work it out.
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      04-09-2020, 05:28 PM   #28
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No I am tired of this shit, it has to end.

We make excellent money but spend like drunken sailors, and a lot of it is absolute waste. We have never considered seperate accounts.

I get called all sorts of names in regards to being cheap but we have not saved a penny in 10 years, so if I am cheap and holding things back, where would we be without me?

Tired of it. Has to end.
Yeah, that's not a good situation to not have saved. In times like this it can break you if you're not prepared. Money is never an easy conversation especially being at polar opposite ends of spending. Wishing you luck on that conversation & turning things around.
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      04-09-2020, 07:19 PM   #29
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My DW and I both kept our separate bank accounts from before we were married, but have added each other onto the other's accounts.

My pay check goes into my account, and 100% covers health insurance, the mortgage, car/house insurance, utilities, and whatever vehicle I want to buy.

Her pay check goes into her account, and pays for whatever vehicle she wants to buy, her fuel, our groceries, and the dog's expenses. She refuses to take money from me, although I am pretending that I forgot about stopping an old $600/month direct deposit into her account for a car loan that I had with her bank and is long paid off.

Being married to someone who is so frugal that she can pinch Lincoln off of a penny is a blessing.....
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      04-09-2020, 08:04 PM   #30
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Yeah, that's not a good situation to not have saved. In times like this it can break you if you're not prepared. Money is never an easy conversation especially being at polar opposite ends of spending. Wishing you luck on that conversation & turning things around.
It's not the holidays or big spends that bother me but useless shit. Sephora bills are astronomical, and she does not wear make up. Kids clothes are utterly insane, restaurants, tinkets, toys, just utter shite.

All the small shit adds up.

I was prepared and we are ok but no savings other than moderate RRSP.
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      04-09-2020, 08:25 PM   #31
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It's not the holidays or big spends that bother me but useless shit. Sephora bills are astronomical, and she does not wear make up. Kids clothes are utterly insane, restaurants, tinkets, toys, just utter shite.

All the small shit adds up.

I was prepared and we are ok but no savings other than moderate RRSP.
Do you have any type of budgeting app like mint or ynab? My wife was never bad but definitely wasn't on the frugality level I was always on and setting budgets she could see and giving an allowance helped tremendously.

In regards to the topic...my wife and I cannot wait to get back to travelling. We've cancelled a lot of trips this year and it's driving us crazy not knowing when we can get back to it (very 1st world probs I know).
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      04-09-2020, 09:16 PM   #32
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I grid everything up in a nice spreadsheet then get either rolled eyes or I am ignored and if I press i get the "I work hard so deserve it" speech or the "why are you pressing me to make more money" speech, the later is laughable as i've always hard on spending, not income.
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      04-09-2020, 09:51 PM   #33
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No, I get it. We love to do little Thur-Sun out of town trips and our friends had to cancel her wedding we were traveling for. I could forgo other expenditures to ensure that we could still travel.
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      04-09-2020, 09:53 PM   #34
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I grid everything up in a nice spreadsheet then get either rolled eyes or I am ignored and if I press i get the "I work hard so deserve it" speech or the "why are you pressing me to make more money" speech, the later is laughable as i've always hard on spending, not income.
It's frustrating when the other person shuts down and isn't truly listening what you're trying to say. I'm shocked she spends so much at Sephora and does at wear makeup. I wonder what she's buying?
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      04-10-2020, 04:55 AM   #35
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Do you have any type of budgeting app like mint or ynab? My wife was never bad but definitely wasn't on the frugality level I was always on and setting budgets she could see and giving an allowance helped tremendously.

In regards to the topic...my wife and I cannot wait to get back to travelling. We've cancelled a lot of trips this year and it's driving us crazy not knowing when we can get back to it (very 1st world probs I know).
I started using YNAB a long time ago. It had the most simple GUI of any app, and let her enter her transactions as she made them.

It's a great program. You set up all your expense categories, assign them dollar amounts for fixed expenses...and estimates from others, and can set up categories such as medical, groceries, Misc, etc.

Once you enter a transaction, it will link it. So if you bought something at CVS the first time you use the app, you would put in the amount and which category it goes in via drop-down. The next time...you just enter the name and amount and it remembers the rest.

Easy way to see what you have going on in your accounts without logging into the bank. You can tie it in with your bank, but we leave it seperate.
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      04-10-2020, 09:50 AM   #36
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It's frustrating when the other person shuts down and isn't truly listening what you're trying to say. I'm shocked she spends so much at Sephora and does at wear makeup. I wonder what she's buying?
No idea but last year she spent well over 3K there. Kids clothing is relentless, before this shit hit there was a package of clothing every two days. Given we have two boys and the second wears hand me downs, it's mind boggling.

When i question it the answer i get is "Kids are expensive, it is what it is".

Even the big ticket items become huge ticket items. We go home to Australia and spend a small fortune on a week up the coast and eating out etc when family is happy to host us for a 24 of beer.

It's just $$$$ on top of $$$$.
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      04-10-2020, 09:54 AM   #37
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No idea but last year she spent well over 3K there. Kids clothing is relentless, before this shit hit there was a package of clothing every two days. Given we have two boys and the second wears hand me downs, it's mind boggling.

When i question it the answer i get is "Kids are expensive, it is what it is".

Even the big ticket items become huge ticket items. We go home to Australia and spend a small fortune on a week up the coast and eating out etc when family is happy to host us for a 24 of beer.

It's just $$$$ on top of $$$$.
Holy Cow!!

I think my wife spends on average about $30 a month on Sephora. Then she has the Book of the Month club that is $9.99 a month, and something called "Birch Box" which is less than $20 a month.

Only big thing is her Wine subscription....and it's not really that huge of an amount.
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      04-10-2020, 10:15 AM   #38
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It's brutal. Without being too specific our joint incomes have us in the top 10% of earners in Canada and we have saved nothing. i will preface that by saying we go to Australia every 18 to 24 months so that is a significant expense though lodging and food are near free if we wanted it to be. We also have a lot of points and every second trip is paid for in points.

This pandemic has proven we can live just fine without all the junk in our lives. No more toys for the second kid when it's the others birthday for example, just mindless spending. Health food and supplements we never use ($100 for a bag of some mystery shit, can't remember what it is, just sits there until it goes bad). That's all got to end.
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      04-10-2020, 10:40 AM   #39
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It's brutal. Without being too specific our joint incomes have us in the top 10% of earners in Canada and we have saved nothing. i will preface that by saying we go to Australia every 18 to 24 months so that is a significant expense though lodging and food are near free if we wanted it to be. We also have a lot of points and every second trip is paid for in points.

This pandemic has proven we can live just fine without all the junk in our lives. No more toys for the second kid when it's the others birthday for example, just mindless spending. Health food and supplements we never use ($100 for a bag of some mystery shit, can't remember what it is, just sits there until it goes bad). That's all got to end.
Oof. That would drive me up the wall. I suggest watching some of the documentaries out there for minimalism. Not saying you go full tilt and live out of a box, but spending money like it's going out of style just to get satisfaction of the rush of spending money? Instant gratification is no way to go; you get more out of the things that take time and effort (such as saving for tomorrow, or well with the way things are going, today). I think I'm such a stickler for it because my mom buys to buy. No doubt, she finds the great deals and did the couponing thing (you should have seen her the first time she came home with a pile of stuff and ended up getting PAID). But who needs eight mustard bottles? Why are there seventeen packets of cheese that goes bad before you can get to it? At least donate the crap; damn! I just don't get this fascination with buying stuff to just buy it. Take what you need and leave the rest.

My wife and I have a joint checking and a joint savings. Outside of that is investment, retirement, etc. I make about 3x - 4x what she makes depending on the year, but I give her full control - jokingly the CFO. She pays all the bills, does all the grocery shopping, orders all household goods...she takes care of everything of necessity and does a great job doing so. That said, we live well within our means and neither of us really buy "things." We're able to set aside each month, contribute to retirement, invest, and still do pretty much whatever we want within reason each month.

Aside from the necessary monthly expenses, I would say just about every single purchase is combed over.

Do we really need it?
Why do we really need it?
Compare brand X with brand Y - Best price vs best value.
Which retailer has the best price?
What coupons are available?
Etc. etc. etc....

But to the thread's point, I think we are a longggg ways off from talking about this. Sports will be done without fans in the chairs will be my guess with how much this impacted the world. I'm sure people will be itching to get out, but I think it's going to happen in one of two ways: slow, gradual process or people just finally lose it and anarchy. My estimate is come Memorial Day weekend, the "official" start of summer, people by large are going to disregard any direction and just go do the things they want.

Last edited by spazzyfry123; 04-10-2020 at 10:45 AM..
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      04-10-2020, 11:08 AM   #40
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It's brutal. Without being too specific our joint incomes have us in the top 10% of earners in Canada and we have saved nothing. i will preface that by saying we go to Australia every 18 to 24 months so that is a significant expense though lodging and food are near free if we wanted it to be. We also have a lot of points and every second trip is paid for in points.

This pandemic has proven we can live just fine without all the junk in our lives. No more toys for the second kid when it's the others birthday for example, just mindless spending. Health food and supplements we never use ($100 for a bag of some mystery shit, can't remember what it is, just sits there until it goes bad). That's all got to end.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like the issues here go deeper than just finances. Best of luck to you my man.
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      04-10-2020, 12:25 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
It's brutal. Without being too specific our joint incomes have us in the top 10% of earners in Canada and we have saved nothing. i will preface that by saying we go to Australia every 18 to 24 months so that is a significant expense though lodging and food are near free if we wanted it to be. We also have a lot of points and every second trip is paid for in points.

This pandemic has proven we can live just fine without all the junk in our lives. No more toys for the second kid when it's the others birthday for example, just mindless spending. Health food and supplements we never use ($100 for a bag of some mystery shit, can't remember what it is, just sits there until it goes bad). That's all got to end.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like the issues here go deeper than just finances. Best of luck to you my man.
I would agree with this too.


I love makeup and I may spend $300 year at best. Normally, my friends give me a $200 gift card for my birthday each year which lasts me a while. My husband will buy me the latest eyeshadow palette for Christmas. Shopping, eh I go in waves with that & probably spend more than I need to on shoes & clothes but I'm not overboard.

My Mom is like one of the posters put above. She just buys to buy. There will be nothing wrong with the things she has and next thing you know she needs a new dining room table or she is changing all the decorative items. Her buying comes out of loneliness & misery with her life. She thinks doing these big projects and buying the next best thing will buy her happiness but it's always temporary. It makes me sad for her. She's too defensive to realize it and you can't talk to her.
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      04-10-2020, 12:41 PM   #42
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I would agree with this too.


I love makeup and I may spend $300 year at best. Normally, my friends give me a $200 gift card for my birthday each year which lasts me a while. My husband will buy me the latest eyeshadow palette for Christmas. Shopping, eh I go in waves with that & probably spend more than I need to on shoes & clothes but I'm not overboard.

My Mom is like one of the posters put above. She just buys to buy. There will be nothing wrong with the things she has and next thing you know she needs a new dining room table or she is changing all the decorative items. Her buying comes out of loneliness & misery with her life. She thinks doing these big projects and buying the next best thing will buy her happiness but it's always temporary. It makes me sad for her. She's too defensive to realize it and you can't talk to her.
This is exactly what I'm getting at.
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      04-10-2020, 01:54 PM   #43
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We are just scratching the surface people, just scratching the surface. TBH it's been over for a long time but I refuse to allow another man to parent my boys in this environment. She cannot stand being alone so within months i'd be sharing parenting with some stranger who will no doubt raise the boys very differently to my somewhat old fashioned stance that considerate masculinity is still ok in an emasculated world.

TBh the covid thing has seen things improved, i was prepared, stocked up early, have an escape plan arranged and she seems to appreciate the forethought and care I have taken to put these safeguards in place.
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      04-10-2020, 04:01 PM   #44
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We are just scratching the surface people, just scratching the surface. TBH it's been over for a long time but I refuse to allow another man to parent my boys in this environment. She cannot stand being alone so within months i'd be sharing parenting with some stranger who will no doubt raise the boys very differently to my somewhat old fashioned stance that considerate masculinity is still ok in an emasculated world.

TBh the covid thing has seen things improved, i was prepared, stocked up early, have an escape plan arranged and she seems to appreciate the forethought and care I have taken to put these safeguards in place.
Damn, sorry to hear that. Maybe this time could bring a change for y'all. Marriage is hard.
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