[smoosh]

Hi all,

Been lurking for a while. Seems like lots of intelligent minds and successful people here, so I figured why not reach out for help here.

First serious relationship I've been in, it lasted 1.5 years. Loved her to death. But early on in our relationship, she f'ed up and cheated on me. Since then, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times, I've lost count. She has a habit of talking to other dudes as soon as something little goes wrong in our relationship. Respect her tremendously, but I know I can do better.

We broke up a few days ago. Went out this weekend, but could not get her out of my mind. Miss her like hell. Can't even sleep wondering who she's on a date with, if he's better than me, if they're in bed together. It's killing me.

How does one deal with this and move on? What do I do when the thoughts (who she's with) start coming back in my mind? I know the conventional approach is to go out and meet a lot of women, but I can't even think straight to talk to a woman right now.

Thanks in advance.

[BMW F22]

Without going into too much details, I would highly recommend that you need to run away from that "relationship" asap. A girl like that who can't be trusted isn't wifey material.

[MKSixer]

Sorry about your situation.

As the previous poster said, run...don't walk, away from this one. If you really live in DC, you should know that women outnumber men there.

Get out and get on with your life.

Good luck.
Cheers-mk

[M3Bimmer77]

Wash, seal n wax. Change the oil and some gas. New battery will be good. Also buy her a new cosmetic mod. She will be fine. Post some pics!!!

[rcracin]

Not sure what's the best approach to getting over her, but you gotta just set a ground rule that you're not going back to her. Then do whatever it takes to stay away.

It doesn't always mean hooking up with a new girl, but hey you gotta do what works for you. Cars, other girls, a motorcycle, anything to keep busy.

[djDori_C]

Like others have said, stop wasting your time and move on. There are plenty of women out there. Pretend you work things out and you marry her. 5 years later you forget to bring home milk because you had a busy day at work, so you get into an argument... Do you want to wonder then who's dick is in her mouth?...
Chin up buddy you can do way better then her!

[Aatish]

Why don't you grab some of your guy friends and go do something for the weekend. Usually gets me out of the revolving door that is my mind.

[Bmw_Crazy]

Trust me time to let that go! No matter what you try or do is not going to fix things.Now if you want to put your self thru toucher go ahead good luck.

[lens]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Hi all,

Been lurking for a while. Seems like lots of intelligent minds and successful people here, so I figured why not reach out for help here.

First serious relationship I've been in, it lasted 1.5 years. Loved her to death. But early on in our relationship, she f'ed up and cheated on me. Since then, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times, I've lost count. She has a habit of talking to other dudes as soon as something little goes wrong in our relationship. Respect her tremendously, but I know I can do better.

We broke up a few days ago. Went out this weekend, but could not get her out of my mind. Miss her like hell. Can't even sleep wondering who she's on a date with, if he's better than me, if they're in bed together. It's killing me.

How does one deal with this and move on? What do I do when the thoughts (who she's with) start coming back in my mind? I know the conventional approach is to go out and meet a lot of women, but I can't even think straight to talk to a woman right now.

Thanks in advance.

Focus on your career and life.

My girlfriend of about a year broke up with me while I was in basic training at the military (this is 7 years ago) and I have not dated anyone since then.

I focused on my job and made new friends along the way. This is how I came to own a BMW and how I got into tuning as well.

I just started dating about a few months ago as I'm settled where I am.


So what's my advice?

Make yourself happy, be selfish for a while, you don't need anyone to make yourself happy.

Go out there and have fun, and one day when you're ready, you'll find someone better.

[Blksnowflake]

Your mind is your enemy. When thoughts of said beehotch jump in your head, the problem is you likely go over the good times....WROOOONNNGG!!!!!
When said beehotch jumps into your thoughts think of the bad shit, the reason you keep getting separated, the fact she moves to another guy so easily means she cares little for you or anyone else. This one has issues, she's a "dependant", just looking for any body that can support her whatever the eff strikes her fancy.

I'm in the process of giving a cheating witch the boot myself, love her very much but I love myself more and my mental health was beginning to suffer. I know it's hard but move on or prepare to suffer and be used, but don't come back posting and whining like a little bitch in the future. You've been warned.

[kprocivic]

Time heals all. Leave and something better usually comes around.

[ptbarnacle]

Originally Posted by M3Bimmer77

Wash, seal n wax. Change the oil and some gas. New battery will be good. Also buy her a new cosmetic mod. She will be fin. Post some pics!!!

On first reading your thread I was wondering if it was about a rental car and not a woman. Can be the same thing. Lease vs purchase is girlfriend vs wife.

Don't want to make light of your situation cause it sucks. But as I learned the hard way when I was too young- once she's a cheater, always a cheater. Messed me up and I broke up immediately. More drama to that story.
Enjoy the sex while you look for a girlfriend. Let her know you really care for her but that she (and you) are free to date without guilt. Use a condom though!!
This takes the head games out of it for you and will really make it easier to find a real woman to invest time with. Kinda like it's easier to find a job while having a current job.

Good luck. And remember, renting vs leasing vs purchasing all have their pros and cons.

[08njSTEP]

Life is a journey and you and your girl were walking on same sidewalk, but were not looking at the same things. You got to the intersection and she took a right while you took a left. Keep walking. Sure you see her reflection in the windows but its a reflection and not really her. Stop window shopping and get walking, eventually you'll find another girl walking on the same sidewalk as you are. Walk with her as long as possible and understand that she may someday change her destination too. Some are lucky and end up on the same sidewalk for life.

[Vanmarsenille]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Hi all,

Been lurking for a while. Seems like lots of intelligent minds and successful people here, so I figured why not reach out for help here.

First serious relationship I've been in, it lasted 1.5 years. Loved her to death. But early on in our relationship, she f'ed up and cheated on me. Since then, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times, I've lost count. She has a habit of talking to other dudes as soon as something little goes wrong in our relationship. Respect her tremendously, but I know I can do better.

We broke up a few days ago. Went out this weekend, but could not get her out of my mind. Miss her like hell. Can't even sleep wondering who she's on a date with, if he's better than me, if they're in bed together. It's killing me.

How does one deal with this and move on? What do I do when the thoughts (who she's with) start coming back in my mind? I know the conventional approach is to go out and meet a lot of women, but I can't even think straight to talk to a woman right now.

Thanks in advance.

Firstly, I'm sorry for the situation you're in, along with many people, I've been there, and it sucks. This time is the hardest but you just need to accept that and give yourself time to put it behind you. It's never easy, but it gets easier as time goes on. Eventually, you'll meet someone else and what you're currently going through will mean less and less. Worst thing you could do is take her back.

[RoundelObsession]

Sometimes you have to go through Hell to get to Heaven. Try to enjoy your life and do not look hard to replace her, it will happen when it happens.

[tcpsoft]

Lots of good suggestions here. A lot of times with someone we want to work it out with, we just romanticize about the good times and forget the pain. Make sure when she does enter your mind, you make a point to remember the pain instead of the pleasure. Tell yourself this is part of the process of finding the right person and this isn't how you want to live in the long run (i.e. wondering who she's with every time she works late, is out with the girls, etc. Do you want to be at home taking care of the kids while she's out screwing around?) Trust, integrity, loyalty are things she either will never have or will never have for you.

To help keep her from getting in your mind, get rid of the things that remind you of her. Delete her from your phone, defriend in social media. Then, do stuff to keep your mind occupied. Take classes in something you've always wanted to do, think about what you need to do if you want to get another job... get out and do stuff.

Lastly, I am always amazed at the number of incredible women around when you're not actively looking. Do things for yourself and let the rest fall into place.

Best of luck!

[bimmette]

Spoil yourself. Disconnect from her in every possible way. Go on a trip if you can. And take up new hobbies or join a team sport.

It will take time but I promise it will get better. Good luck.

[eluded]

First ones always hardest. It's not easy but has to be done. You can cut her off or let her fade but pick one.

Focus on work, work is always there for you.

Take up a new hobby like womanizing or drinking for example.

[smoosh]

Thank you all! I am going to keep coming back to this thread every time I start to feel like I'm missing her.

And when I do, I'd like to see this little list of everything f'ed up that she did:

1. Cheated on me for 2 months of a 4 month, at the time, relationship
2. Has talked to about 7 different guys every time we've gotten into an argument
3. Has talked badly about me to a couple of her closest friends
4. Never once wore a $300 pair of shoes I got her for her birthday out with me, but wore them out when she cheated on me
5. Expects me to sit around by my phone all fucking day and text her
6. Holds me back by not letting me complete the work I need to complete
7. Actually had the audacity to tell me, "I really wanted him to stay and spend the night, but he didn't want to" when I confronted her about cheating on me and sleeping with a dude
8. I constantly, non-stop have to wonder who else she might be talking to, making out with, f'ing. The thoughts never went away, no matter what I did. And I would have to go to a point where I wanted to verify every single thing she said, cause I never believed her

And best of all...

9. Every time she's talked to other guys and I found out, I confront her. She begs and pleads and feels devastated. But I've always stuck by her side. I've always respected her. I never once truly felt mad at her, because I just loved her so damn much, and I wanted to be with this woman. And now, a couple of days after our break up? Developed this hatred for me, as if I'd done nothing for her, ever. I'd never been there for her before. She doesn't even know me anymore, and she's out dating around and having a blast.

I've cut her off from social media, phone, everything. Will never text/call her again.

Thank you again, all [keep the responses coming, please!]

[longress]

Cut all ties with her. She already knows that you'll be there when she wants a shoulder to cry on because you've taken her back before. Respect yourself and be good to yourself don't allow yourself to be used. Go to the gym, find someone to talk to that you trust. Whatever you do don't talk to her- you're to weak and you'll cave for the sex but the problems are still there. This wasn't meant to be.
Find yourself a friend first (in the next lady) then the romance will come later. Without a solid honest friendship in a relationship you have nothing but a crap load of problems you don't need.

[Navy Doc]

Some sound advice coming from the members. Although people can change its probably unlikely. Your best course of action is to move forward from that relationship. Go out with friends, take up a new hobby or further your current hobby, find anything to do to keep busy. At the beginning it is hard but as time passes it will get easier until it is a norm for you. The last thing you want is to continue building this relationship on a foundation based on cheating. Then Get married and have children and find out 10 years from now that she is still cheating on you. At that point separating is a lot more complicated. Trust me. Ask me how I know.

As the saying goes...... There's a lot more fish in the sea.

[larryn]

Reading the advice here, it's all great. I'll offer another bit that I hadn't seen offered yet. It almost sounds like you become obsessive about her talking to guys. I'm sure that you were tainted by her cheating, but women need space to talk to people, regardless of gender.

Wth your next girl, respect that she's not in it to cheat (if you get to an exclusive relationship) and it's cool to talk to whomever she wants.