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| 05-13-2022, 06:04 AM | #375 |
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Major General
 
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In a recent poll, italian women were asked would they have sex with Berlusconi
30% replied yes 70% replied “what, again?” |
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| 05-13-2022, 10:10 AM | #376 |
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Colonel
 
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic
When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser |
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| 05-13-2022, 10:17 AM | #377 |
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Second Lieutenant
 
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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a real monster.
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| 05-13-2022, 02:00 PM | #378 |
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Colonel
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A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at the snake and says, "how'd you do that?"
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2015 Black Sapphire Metallic 6MT M4
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| 05-13-2022, 02:16 PM | #379 |
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Lengthy but not a Girthy Member
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Drives: 1971 Honda Civic
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Riding the high seas of your emotions
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My son told me there was a small get together at the school on Friday. I asked him how small.
He replied, "Just you, me and the principal". |
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| 05-13-2022, 03:54 PM | #380 |
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nikolay435i
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Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
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| 05-13-2022, 04:01 PM | #381 |
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Major General
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His wife just gave birth today and, after thanking the doctor, he pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, 'How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?'
He winked at him and said, 'I'm off duty in 10 minutes. Meet me in the parking garage.' |
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| 05-14-2022, 06:12 AM | #382 |
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Captain
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Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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| 05-14-2022, 06:30 AM | #383 | |||
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Colonel
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Quote:
Quote:
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Stage 2 BM3
Quote:
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| 05-14-2022, 10:31 AM | #384 |
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General
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How does an ocean say hi? it waves.
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| 05-14-2022, 06:41 PM | #385 |
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Cailín gan eagla.
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All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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| 05-14-2022, 07:17 PM | #386 |
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Colonel
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I just say the new Marvel movies.
It was pretty good, but there were parts that were strange.
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| 05-15-2022, 01:39 PM | #387 |
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Colonel
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Book Titles
Twenty Yards to the Outhouse
by: Willy Makit published by: Betty Wont
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///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic
When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser |
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| 05-15-2022, 02:23 PM | #388 |
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Second Lieutenant
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If you ever find yourself being chased by a horde of taxidermists, whatever you do......
....don't play dead. |
| 05-15-2022, 02:44 PM | #389 |
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Captain
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
'elefino.
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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| 05-15-2022, 04:53 PM | #390 |
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Private
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Did you hear about the pony who had a cough? ?He said "You'l have to excuse me, I'm a little horse today"
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| 05-15-2022, 09:51 PM | #391 |
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Enlisted Member
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A jumbo jet is coming into the London Heathrow Airport on it`s final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom and does his usual announcements but forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation with the co-pilot. Well skipper, watcha you gonna do in London? Asked the co-pilot. Well, first I`m gonna check into the hotel and take a big shit. Then I`m gonna take that new stewardess with the big boobs out for dinner. I`m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and have wild sex with her all night. Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately start looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. The stewardess is at the back of the plane, she`s so embarrassed that she starts to run to get to the cockpit to turn off the intercom. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady`s purse and falls down. The old lady leans over and says; No need to hurry dear. He`s gotta take a shit first. |
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| 05-16-2022, 08:43 PM | #395 |
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Captain
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My first trip to Prague we met with Stan and Ollie, who loved to tell jokes in their broken English. Really fun and funny guys.
One bit that stuck with me (over 20 years) is the airline nicknames: SABENA Such A Bad Experience, Never Again SAS. Same As SABENA Lufthansa Let Us Fu** The Hostess And Next Stewardess Also |
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| 05-17-2022, 02:33 AM | #396 |
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General
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Why did the blue jay get into trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test! |
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